I'm an asshole. No changin' that.

So, I have a 33 year old niece and she is fabulous. She is my sister-in-law's daughter and I couldn't like her more if I'd watched her grow up, but I met her when she was 22  or so. She's beautiful, whip-smart, and funny as hell...I love it that she takes John apart every time she sees him.

We're going to my sister-in-law's for Thanksgiving. We haven't had Thanksgiving there since we were newlyweds. I can't wait for the brother-in-law's wonderful deep-friend turkey. I am also excited for Finn to have a family holiday instead of just us sitting around talking about how much we hate Arizona. He'll be able to hear family stories, eat good food, play with neighborhood kids. Very excited. For him. For me...I'd like to stay home with a Bloody Mary and, perhaps, even a cigarette. Because I am an asshole.

Sunday, John came in after the Redskins game and says Erika is bringing her boyfriend to Thanksgiving. Hooray! Her 47 year old still-married boyfriend. Oh, and did I mention, he's her boss? Oh.

One could say that I don't know all the details. OK, any of the details, but I don't shy away from a knee-jerk reaction.

So I posted a note to my sister-in-law. We had been talking on FB about Finn's birthday, so I just added onto that. It went like this:

Julia E. Pheifer: Um, could you tell me how you want me to act on Thursday because I can't be trusted. But I'll do whatever you tell me to do. I'm pretty sure I'll need alcohol, but I do worry it will make me say things I shouldn't.

Niece of Julia: What would you be worried about?

Yeah. That's right. The note on FB about Finn's birthday was to me, John, sister-in-law and nieces. So I tried to hold my ground and backpedal, which is, of course, impossible.

Julia E. Pheifer: Not being welcoming to your gentleman friend. But I see it is too late to worry about what I might say drunk or sober.

Niece of Julia: Perhaps I am a little late to the show. Why would you not be? I would hope that you would be welcoming to anyone that I am with. I am not sure what John relayed but I imagine it is something along the lines of that he is going through a divorce. I thought honesty would be the best policy. I'm not going to defend my relationship with Steve nor may excuses for it. He's a good man and I should have no reason to believe that will not be welcomed or comfortable in my mother's home with my family.

Yeah. I'm an asshole. Whatever. Ain't nothin' I can do about it now. (And, in my defense, I could give a shit that he's divorced or not divorced. I care that he's 47 and he's her boss. But I did not write that. Because my assholeness does know some bounds.)

John was blissfully unaware of this until my SIL called him and asked to speak to me, rather urgently.

Why did my sister need to speak to you? Is there anything the matter?

No. Not really.

Pregnant pause.

OK, I did something stupid. I don't want to talk about it, so you can just read it.

Five minutes later John comes out of the bedroom and stands staring at me.

Your sister wanted to let me know she's being Switzerland.

And what are you? North Korea?

Well, I prefer to think of myself as Serbia. You know, I do something nutty and small...

North Korea, he said.