Not Much Has Changed

People call these lists "Bucket Lists" now, but in 1996, the Washington Post ran a story about a list the author kept called "50 Things to Do Before I Die." I found mine today as I was cleaning. Given that I am known for my ADHD, I think it's important to note that there are only 35 things on the list. I can't imagine that anyone is interested in a bucket list other than their own, so I've broken this list into two blogs. Part II when I get around to it.

My sister from another mother, Sandy, was recently surprised...horrified...annoyed...to find that many people have lists like this and she does not. And now rather than sitting down and making a list, she's wearing it like a badge of honor. She's like that. So, I thought I'd rub her nose in my list. I'm like that.

1. Own my own home. This was three years before I bought my condo. Sometimes, when I'm stressed or homesick or whatever, I still dream about that place. It was absolutely perfect and all homes are measured against this yardstick.

I mean, it was perfect aside from the lesbians having noisy sex every stinkin' night and the guy across the hall smoking cigars that made the whole building smell. Oh, and there was that guy upstairs that my dog *hated,* which made me think that he was murdering women up there. My dog Ike didn't hate that guy across the hall, though. Well, until we started hanging out and he would come over at 6 a.m. to wake me for our run. Ike hated that. And you should have seen Ike the night our relationship, ahem, changed. But Ike was totally down with our wedding. Yeah, I married the guy who smoked those damn cigars. And he still does! They're horrible!

2. Become a total vegetarian. At some point, I scribbled "nevermind" next to this, but I've been revisiting it lately because my son is quickly becoming, well, fat. He has a terrible diet because I stopped trying three years ago. Once we're moved, I have to do better. And doing better might involve becoming vegetarian. But, good Lord, being a vegetarian is so labor intensive. I had a group of friends in the '90s who were vegans and they didn't have time to think about anything else. We'll see on this one.

3. Live and work in a foreign country. You know, I'm going to check this one off. Arizona has been a foreign country to me. This place...

4. Speak a foreign language fluently. I took French in high school and college and I really regret I didn't do better in these classes. Every year I buy some French grammar books and download some podcasts or audio books and go at this one again. Fluently, to me, means able to get through something more difficult than Paris Match. Someday, I'm going to read "Remembrance of Things Past" in French and watch a Catherine Deneuve movie without subtitles. I might be 102, but it's going to happen. I can feel it.

5. Get a graduate degree. I did that! I can hardly believe it!

6. Write a book. You know, I stopped earning my living from writing 10 years ago and I have never once looked back. The two times I have ever revisited a newsroom--via my dreams--I woke up and thanked God that I do not work in a newsroom. Being pithy on Facebook and Twitter is enough for me. Keeping a journal for Finn is enough. Writing a blog is something I resisted since blogs existed because it's more than enough. Which leads me to believe that I was never a writer. Yeah. I was just a kid going through a lot of shit who had no one to talk to so I wrote it down. And I learned the rules well enough to make a career out of it for 15 years. But I don't think it was ever part of my soul. While most pharmacists have writers, poets, or musicians struggling to get out, I sincerely believe I was a writer with a science nerd struggling to get out.

7. Work from home. I know myself now and I know this would never work. If I don't have a place to go and a task to get done, I will not move.

8. Get my original figure back (145 pounds). I laugh at my 29-year-old self when I see this. I'd give anything for my 29-year-old figure, much less the 20 year old figure I was referring to. I'd be happy with my 35-year-old figure (170 pounds). Sheesh. But when does this whole "I want to be thin again" obsession end? Will I still be 75 years old and worried about my waistline, or lack of it? Because, really, I gotta move on.

9. Learn to play piano. Yeah. Still want to do this.

10. Take ballroom dancing lessons. Check! John and I took lessons before our wedding. We had a fabulous choreographed routine set to "Ain't That a Kick in the Head" by Dean Martin. It's really a shame people don't go dancing like they used to. There's really nothing better than being held and holding your partner, listening to music, all dressed up, moving in concert...

11. Take ballet lessons. I have no idea what I was thinking. I was 29, that's all I can think.

12. Learn to paint watercolors. I have always been fascinated by people who can turn ink and paper into a window on the world or a representation of what's in their head. I want to be able to do that, (but not with words. Have I made that clear?).

13. Have a weeping willow tree in the front yard of my own home. See below.


14. Have a mimosa tree in the front yard of my own home. I had just moved out of the house owned by my boyfriend. These are just extension of my wish to have a place where I would make the rules and where I could not be asked to leave. But, having lived in a place where willows and mimosas won't grow, I might change these to "Will always live where there are trees and grass."

15. Create a flower garden. See above.

16. Create a vegetable garden. Ibid.

17. Teach small children or handicapped children. My 29-year-old self liked kids, but had no experience with children or the handicapped, and Lord was she stupid. I am not a teacher. I am a learner, but imparting my lessons to others...I don't think I'm capable. I'm taking this one off the list.

18. Have a library in my home. Check. Not only do I have a house full of books, the Kindle was invented in the meantime. I have a library in my purse. My God. What a wonderful world the 21st century is.

More to come...